Today’s topic is quite a story; I hesitated to publish it yesterday, but finally, I decided to go with it.
I read something on Marriage Today’s Facebook page, which says:
“The enemy will do anything he can to put you in the bedroom before you get married.
And he will do everything he can to keep you out of the bedroom after you are married”
The above quote has caught my attention, as up to now I have never seen things in that way.
This made me think of a couple I know from Kinshasa. The wife’s story has inspired me so much, especially at the time I was going through similar experience.
A painful truth
“When they met, it was the beginning of a love story,
A story of two hearts that promised to never go apart”
~Excerpt from my notes on “Meet me in Paris”
For you to understand why I am saying this, let me give you a bit of a story of this couple I met years ago. They were dating for a while then got married.
The beginning was great not much trouble until they reached a certain level in their relationship; level where the man wanted more than friendship, more than dating, more than kisses and long time spent talking. I think you get where I am going…
The woman at time was 20 years old and she wasn’t ready to give herself to the man she loves so much, because of her background as a Christian and her education.
Religion and family have taught us to wait for the man who will marry us. We grow up with that mindset and shape our lives inside the barriers created by the church and our parents.
But one thing we didn’t know is that society was waiting for us.
Out of our safe environment comes society with all her cruelty, flaws, lacks, envies, desires and need for success and belonging to a certain rank.
Sylvia (the woman in the story) went through a battle for more than a year trying to convince Herman (her boyfriend) to wait as he promised to marry her after she graduated from university.
But at the end, few months before graduation, she gave herself and lost her virginity.
Why few months to her supposed wedding?
The answer is society.
You find yourself in the midst of people who continually tells you that holding to the principal of waiting is old school. Everybody in your entourage is doing it; they talk about it and they convince you that the way to keep your man with you is to be open for an eventual sexual relationship. You will try to find out about it on your own, because not all parents will bring the subject as long as there no marriage proposal on the table.
It requires more and more…
Two years passed after graduation and still no wedlock.
And Sylvia discovered that she was pregnant. It was an accident she kept on saying but deep inside she thought that could be the way to become Mrs. Herman.
A sad reality, that many women desperate to get married fooled themselves in, thinking to get the ring at the end.
Lucky Sylvia, after the birth of her son, she got the ring. The first months were passionate, full of hopes and dreams till came the second child.
She realized her husband behavior towards her has changed. He was more and more absent, came home late and avoided any kind of communication with her.
The pain grew and the solitude was so unbearable that all she could do was to cry her pain out nights and days.
It is hard to be a woman and a wife and seeing your husband mind and body pulled out of your matrimonial home. The feeling of not being desired and longing to touch and kiss him was gradually killing her.
I have learned the hard way to become a woman and I am learning in a painful way to be a mother. Society has not helped if not dragging me into more pain.
~Nathalie Zulu M~
Blessing in disguise.
In the midst of turmoil, Sylvia met a young lady who describes herself as a fire girl; she would at many occasion boast herself to be able to subdue any man, she can give anything they want and that no one has been able to abuse her.
Sylvia was so amazed by the confidence and knowledge the young lady was displaying, that she asked of her opinion with regards to her grief. The answer was shocking coming from a 19 years old.
She simply stated that “if life puts you in a corner, build in a paradise by your own, then open the door to who ever want to share it with you”
Sister the internet has it all, she told Sylvia. From that day she researched on different platforms, read books and articles, quotes, attended seminars, and YouTube; just name it and she was on it.
Months passed by, she succeeded to build a nest full of love, laughter and beauty with her children. She learned despite the pain to treat her husband with respect. She studied by heart Proverb 31 vs 10-39 “The woman who fears the Lord” and made each verse hers.
It wasn’t long, that she saw her husband coming back. With hesitation, he tried to make amend and be interested to spend time with his family.
Like a long night the sun has finally rose. Sylvia and Herman got their happily ever after!
Life has a cruel and funny way to teach us; other may say it’s wicked. But in all, it is hard going through all the trouble.
I am a single mother and I wished I could do things differently, but I don’t regret neither will I hold grudges.
We all learn from our parents, pastors, teachers and society. All we need to do is to pick what is useful and build a beautiful story for the future and break the circle of giving up to pressure.
•The names in the story have been changed to protect their privacy.