Tell me mother


One morning, like every weekdays, I woke up to my routine.

The kids have bathed and dressed.
In the kitchen I prepared their snacks and the breakfast is served.

One last touch, checking bags, clean faces and then the morning prayer before leaving for school.

All was natural until came my son with this sudden and unsuspected question:

Tell me mommy, were you and daddy married before?”

I, for seconds asked myself why this now? He is just a small boy!
Then with a smile and holding is hands; I said “No baby, daddy and I were not married.”

He added with this mysterious tone;

So why do we call him our dad?

That is where all in me stopped. Troubled, I tried to form in my head an appropriate answer to his question.

Look baby, daddy is your father because we were together for a longtime, and we were living in the same house, that’s the time your sister and you were born; unfortunately we did not get married like you see in church and got separated later after you were born.

He looked at me with a smile; saying:

Is it like being boyfriend and girlfriend?
Were you two dating?

I had to say YES; even if deep in me I wished I could say no, but there is no other answer to it, I wasn’t married when I had my children. And I can’t see how explaining cohabitation will help in this matter.

He then, hugged me and said with his angel voice;

That is why he is our daddy.

I felt my heart so heavy, at that moment tears moved in my eyes, I hold him tight not willing to let him see me crying.

A couple of minutes, then it was time to leave, I went downstairs with them; a kiss to everyone then they left for school.

As much as I want to be strong, there are times when I will have to answer to questions that could break my heart.

I see in this that children observe and question themselves regarding their family status , and my son, that little man who is turning 7 years old, so loving and caring is becoming curious and in need of clarifications.

It hurts sometimes, but I am grateful that he understood and I want to believe that the matter doesn’t hurt him.

We sometimes hide the truth or avoid giving details to our children believing that we are protecting their heart and we try to get a balance into their emotions. But, there will come a time where they will somehow find out the truth and at that exact moment we may look bad in their eyes or they will sympathize with us.

I may not know everything and was surely not prepared to be a single mom but the need to protect my children and to provide a safe, peaceful and joyful environment is making me work extra miles to achieve a good emotional balance for my little ones.

I am forever grateful to the almighty God for the strength and ability given me to be a mother.
There is still a long way to go but, i am proud of what have been achieved so far.

Kisses and Love to all the single Parents who struggle time to time but move forwards with a positive attitude.

Sexuality, the talk


Being sexually active nowadays has become common to our younger generation. The question is, are they all prepared for it?
I read an article from LifeBlog, the author Peter Adewumi has elaborated something crucial about being sexually literate.

“The reason why many adults don’t know what they ought to know about sex is because they were not taught at the right time. The first teaching about sex should come from parents, because parents are the first teachers of the children.
Sex is very sweet inside marriage, but very bitter outside marriage. It is like a bitter leaf; when you eat it at the wrong time, very bitter! But when eaten at the right time, delicious! It is also medicinal to your body. Sex at the right time makes you healthy, while sex at the wrong time makes you sick.”

Peter Adewumi, LifeBlog.

Sexuality is a subject that many parents in Africa do not want to discuss with their children. A taboo, yet it is the most valuable information from a certain age.

We are victims of ignorance, and the delusion that the world offers through Media’s platforms have been the way of gaining knowledge on the subject for most of us.
As a mother today, I wished my parents have told me before ahead what is all about sexuality.
And as a single mom, giving your children lessons or advice regarding sexuality appears to be a heavy task.
As much as I want my children to be prepared for a greater life and happy relationship, I still have to deal with questions with regards to my personal experience.

We lead by example, that what it is said!

How to be an example when your own experience is contrary or way far to what you wish them to be?
Is admitting to your children that you made mistakes in the past wrong?
What is the approach to take when you are dealing with a child that is questioning your advice?

There are so many thoughts in my head for the time I will have to seat with my little ones and bring the subject into the discussion.
But one thing keeps me strong is that God promised in all, that “…he will never leave me nor forsake me”. Deuteronomy 31:6
I found my strength in this verse.

Wishing you and I to be great parents and role models for our children.

Note: the full article from Peter Adewumi is found here: Sexual literacy…

Enjoy!

When life puts you in a corner


Today’s topic is quite a story; I hesitated to publish it yesterday, but finally, I decided to go with it.
I read something on Marriage Today’s Facebook page, which says:

“The enemy will do anything he can to put you in the bedroom before you get married.
And he will do everything he can to keep you out of the bedroom after you are married”
~Casey Caston~

The above quote has caught my attention, as up to now I have never seen things in that way.
This made me think of a couple I know from Kinshasa. The wife’s story has inspired me so much, especially at the time I was going through similar experience.

A painful truth Continue reading “When life puts you in a corner”

Being a woman


By Nathalie Zulu M.

Intro

Woman, an adult female human being as defined by most dictionaries.

Being a woman comes with attributes, a sense of duty, qualities and virtues; many have defined a woman by her qualities: Virtuous, loving and caring, helper, devoted, persevering, courageous, seductive, inventive, curious, kind, and the list goes on and on.

I always said, women have been created with special gifts. We have the ability to adapt to different situations and remain calm in the face of adversity.
Naturally able to think, act and bring innovation. We see what others don’t see. We look for opportunity, seize them, bring up ideas and inspire others to do the same.

When dealing with life issues, family, kids, business, job or ministry, we become strategic, no distraction is allowed. We keep our focus on what we are doing until we reach the result expected.

Mothers and daughters
Mothers and daughters

A woman doesn’t boast her ego; she humbles herself and is opened to learn from others.

“One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman” Simone de Beauvoir

As a little girl Continue reading “Being a woman”

Have yourself a positive year


First Monday Thoughts. Continue reading “Have yourself a positive year”

Way to Happiness


Many men and women tend to take their partners for granted, that’s a huge mistake! Let wake up and understand that works need to be done from both sides in order to live and enjoy the all of our partners.
Women have the ability to adapt to any situation, to be patient and understanding, to endure, even to compromise and all because of love. Most of the time we forget our own happiness, cover mistakes and settle for less than what we dreamed for.

Happiness starts with you lady!
Not with your relationship, not with your job, not with your money but with you.
It comes from within not from a man.

Learn to love yourself, treat yourself well. Your beauty is from inside but remember people first come in encounter with the outside.

Like a flower, discover my beauty.
Like a flower, discover my beauty.

How you present yourself, the way you speak, your smile and attitude will determine whether or not to approach you and have any kind of relationship. So be smart enough to give to yourself the attention, respect and love you wish others to give you.
Spoil yourself time to time to a good movie, a nice restaurant, a local/ international trip, and why not a makeover just to WOW some people.

Trust me, as a single mother I have been too busy spoiling my children and at the end when came the night I felt like I wasn’t happy. I blamed my children’s father for a long time until I realized after ready a lot on relationships that I am the sole owner of my happiness. I started changing the routine. I sometimes go out dinner or to concert with a sister friend of mine and the first time I went to the movie alone was last August, I felt it weird but seeing that I wasn’t the only single person in the theatre made me realized what I was missing all the years going for kids movies.

By the way I watched * Bad Moms* It was so hilarious, I laughed so much that I could feel something different within me. Even my children could see that I really enjoyed that movie night out.

Always remember that your happiness is a must in relationship whether you are married or not. You need to keep your partner feeling wanted but also feeling the need of you. Spoil him with things that can’t be bought like your time, love and respect. Be a good listener, attentive to his need.

I read something from a Facebook page that I want to share with you. A sad reality that most of men don’t realize until it’s too late.
Relationships, Woman's pain, Unhappiness, Desire
Visit Stephan Speaks Relationships for more advice and quotes on relationships.

When a man doesn’t know how to respond to your love and attention it gets hard to be happy in the relationship. He shouldn’t let you guess his feelings for you.
A man who doesn’t fight for you isn’t worth fighting for. Stop investing your emotions for a man who is playing guessing games with you and act like he cares less whether you are in his life or not. If he can disrespect, cheat, starve you of time, attention, commitment and you still stay loyal to him, you’re teaching him to never value you, because he can neglect you and still get your all. A real man won’t put himself in a position to lose you.
When you are in a relationship take time to listen not only to your man’s words but also be attentive to his actions they tell you more than the words coming out of his mouth.

Do not settle for someone treating you less than you deserve to be treated! If they don’t see your worth, value, beauty inside and out, it’s their loss!
You deserve a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you compete for his affection and never has you question your position in his life.
You are a woman someone is praying for.