Tell me mother


One morning, like every weekdays, I woke up to my routine.

The kids have bathed and dressed.
In the kitchen I prepared their snacks and the breakfast is served.

One last touch, checking bags, clean faces and then the morning prayer before leaving for school.

All was natural until came my son with this sudden and unsuspected question:

Tell me mommy, were you and daddy married before?”

I, for seconds asked myself why this now? He is just a small boy!
Then with a smile and holding is hands; I said “No baby, daddy and I were not married.”

He added with this mysterious tone;

So why do we call him our dad?

That is where all in me stopped. Troubled, I tried to form in my head an appropriate answer to his question.

Look baby, daddy is your father because we were together for a longtime, and we were living in the same house, that’s the time your sister and you were born; unfortunately we did not get married like you see in church and got separated later after you were born.

He looked at me with a smile; saying:

Is it like being boyfriend and girlfriend?
Were you two dating?

I had to say YES; even if deep in me I wished I could say no, but there is no other answer to it, I wasn’t married when I had my children. And I can’t see how explaining cohabitation will help in this matter.

He then, hugged me and said with his angel voice;

That is why he is our daddy.

I felt my heart so heavy, at that moment tears moved in my eyes, I hold him tight not willing to let him see me crying.

A couple of minutes, then it was time to leave, I went downstairs with them; a kiss to everyone then they left for school.

As much as I want to be strong, there are times when I will have to answer to questions that could break my heart.

I see in this that children observe and question themselves regarding their family status , and my son, that little man who is turning 7 years old, so loving and caring is becoming curious and in need of clarifications.

It hurts sometimes, but I am grateful that he understood and I want to believe that the matter doesn’t hurt him.

We sometimes hide the truth or avoid giving details to our children believing that we are protecting their heart and we try to get a balance into their emotions. But, there will come a time where they will somehow find out the truth and at that exact moment we may look bad in their eyes or they will sympathize with us.

I may not know everything and was surely not prepared to be a single mom but the need to protect my children and to provide a safe, peaceful and joyful environment is making me work extra miles to achieve a good emotional balance for my little ones.

I am forever grateful to the almighty God for the strength and ability given me to be a mother.
There is still a long way to go but, i am proud of what have been achieved so far.

Kisses and Love to all the single Parents who struggle time to time but move forwards with a positive attitude.

Sexuality, the talk


Being sexually active nowadays has become common to our younger generation. The question is, are they all prepared for it?
I read an article from LifeBlog, the author Peter Adewumi has elaborated something crucial about being sexually literate.

“The reason why many adults don’t know what they ought to know about sex is because they were not taught at the right time. The first teaching about sex should come from parents, because parents are the first teachers of the children.
Sex is very sweet inside marriage, but very bitter outside marriage. It is like a bitter leaf; when you eat it at the wrong time, very bitter! But when eaten at the right time, delicious! It is also medicinal to your body. Sex at the right time makes you healthy, while sex at the wrong time makes you sick.”

Peter Adewumi, LifeBlog.

Sexuality is a subject that many parents in Africa do not want to discuss with their children. A taboo, yet it is the most valuable information from a certain age.

We are victims of ignorance, and the delusion that the world offers through Media’s platforms have been the way of gaining knowledge on the subject for most of us.
As a mother today, I wished my parents have told me before ahead what is all about sexuality.
And as a single mom, giving your children lessons or advice regarding sexuality appears to be a heavy task.
As much as I want my children to be prepared for a greater life and happy relationship, I still have to deal with questions with regards to my personal experience.

We lead by example, that what it is said!

How to be an example when your own experience is contrary or way far to what you wish them to be?
Is admitting to your children that you made mistakes in the past wrong?
What is the approach to take when you are dealing with a child that is questioning your advice?

There are so many thoughts in my head for the time I will have to seat with my little ones and bring the subject into the discussion.
But one thing keeps me strong is that God promised in all, that “…he will never leave me nor forsake me”. Deuteronomy 31:6
I found my strength in this verse.

Wishing you and I to be great parents and role models for our children.

Note: the full article from Peter Adewumi is found here: Sexual literacy…

Enjoy!

When life puts you in a corner


Today’s topic is quite a story; I hesitated to publish it yesterday, but finally, I decided to go with it.
I read something on Marriage Today’s Facebook page, which says:

“The enemy will do anything he can to put you in the bedroom before you get married.
And he will do everything he can to keep you out of the bedroom after you are married”
~Casey Caston~

The above quote has caught my attention, as up to now I have never seen things in that way.
This made me think of a couple I know from Kinshasa. The wife’s story has inspired me so much, especially at the time I was going through similar experience.

A painful truth Continue reading “When life puts you in a corner”